I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
