So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
