If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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