Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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