We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
