Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man

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  (206): i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man http://tfl.nu/40et
  Replies (15) Good night (1511) Bad night (939)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i wish i had your life

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  (904): btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets (1-904): i wish i had your life http://tfl.nu/5ctk
  Replies (33) Good night (4005) Bad night (702)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.

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  (+44): Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket. http://tfl.nu/5ggv
  Replies (11) Good night (4150) Bad night (1124)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.

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  (630): He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over. http://tfl.nu/mky5
  Replies (13) Good night (1073) Bad night (5928)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.

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  (720): You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger. http://tfl.nu/3qkv
  Replies (90) Good night (1834) Bad night (12937)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.

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  (910): I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about. http://tfl.nu/tvk3
  Replies (4) Good night (4056) Bad night (933)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.

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  (860): She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit. http://tfl.nu/aa9j
  Replies (20) Good night (7351) Bad night (1124)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.

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  (732): I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid. http://tfl.nu/5186
  Replies (4) Good night (2802) Bad night (896)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  He just called me juicy booty via text message.

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  (812): He just called me juicy booty via text message. http://tfl.nu/j99z
  Replies (6) Good night (1959) Bad night (1006)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....

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  (802): think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight.... http://tfl.nu/1kod
  Replies (9) Good night (988) Bad night (1494)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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  (319): captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL. http://tfl.nu/v9rp
  Replies (2) Good night (2630) Bad night (829)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people

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  (406): I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people http://tfl.nu/t3r3
  Replies (7) Good night (955) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?

  (224): View more from Illinois

  50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.

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  (262): You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend? (224): 50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward. http://tfl.nu/qmja
  Replies (2) Good night (1038) Bad night (381)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense

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  (412): Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense http://tfl.nu/q1gm
  Replies (3) Good night (480) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.

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  (425): When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately. http://tfl.nu/qs87
  Replies (1) Good night (607) Bad night (156)

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