is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard