True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch