Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
