apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
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I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit