i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
