We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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