He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
