Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
