I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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