At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How external is "for external use only"?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
