i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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