I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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