Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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