I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
pray to the hookup gods
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
