I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
