No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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