She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
