oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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