My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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