Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
