he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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