Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
smell my finger.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
