its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize