He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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