Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
