By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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