when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
love makes seman taste better
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
