I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
