The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
