I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
