i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
