So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
