I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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