you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
