I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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