he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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