my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
