Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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