Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
