why do cheetos always look like penises
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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