Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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