Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
