It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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