New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize