Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
