You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
