Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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