she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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