The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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