I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
