Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
