Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
