Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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