Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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