ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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