Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
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Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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