so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ladies don't puke and tell
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
