I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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