We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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