So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
