talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
