gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
