We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
