the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
