that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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