you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
